growing up is a hard thing to do

I'm slowly but surely moving forward. I recently started studying for the LSATs again. I have the ability to be very successful in life, and I don't know why I've been holding myself back. I've been worrying about too many things that aren't that important in the big scheme of things. Time to get my ass in gear.

Expect big things from me in the coming year.

old habits die hard

I have the inablitity to take things easy. I can't relax no matter how hard I try. I'm an incredibly impatient person. I want what I want when I want it, and what I want, I want it now. But, I know that's now how the world works. Things aren't just handed to you. You have to wait and work for what you want. 23 years later, and I still can't abide by this simple law of man. I am trying my hardest. And yes, I love speaking in ambiguous terms.....and keep in mind I'm speaking about several things and not just anything specific.
Since I've moved here I've probably met more people than I have in my entire college career (that might be a slight overexaggeration). I'm still not in the mood to put myself out there for people. I still hold back a lot. I went back home (aka Chesapeake, VA) in March. I noticed how different I was there, and how much people still genuinely cared about me and it made me a little depressed. Not because I had that support (duh), but because I am afraid that I will never meet people that I can trust as much as the kids I grew up with. However, I would never move back to Virginia (sorry, guys).
I'm still growing up and still learning, and it never stops. It's never supposed to. The day I stop learning from my mistakes is the day I want to die. I would really enjoy it if I would make less mistakes, though.

Not again...

Another fucking year, another fucking blog...

it seems that the more things change the more things stay the same. I always feel that if I move, things will change, things will be different. It never really is. I've moved twice in 9 months. They say a change will do you good, but only time will tell you if that is true. It wasn't true for New York...we will see about Chicago.
It's pretty pathetic that I keep running away from my problems. Whenever I can't handle certain situations, I leave everything behind and start fresh. The only problem with that is my emotions never change. I never forget the way that I felt about things. So, everywhere I go, my problems follow me. They won't just fucking stay where I thought I left them.
It's been a year and a half since everything happened. I'm trying to learn from the mistake and move on from it, but I won't be able to until I can forgive myself. What I did, and who I did it to, is unforgivable. Maybe it would be a little easier if he could forgive me....but I definitely won't be holding my breath for that.
I hope that this time, when I tell myself that things will be different....whether it's in regards to friends, relationships, school, or work...I hope that I have the strength to make sure it is different.